"My work helps reduce my pain"

This is a lady who is speaking in utmost pain. The pain of believing in the romance of life and the sanctity of marriage, of trying to sustain a relationship against all odds...and trying unsuccessfully to hold on to something that was not really hers for keeps. Kunika Sadanand Lall, has seen it all and seen it all fall apart. In an exclusive interview since finalising her divorce, Kunika speaks to Ananya Sengupta about life and love. You took a lot of time deciding on finally ending this.... Yes, it was a yo-yo like situation for the last six years. I didn't know where we were going. I was traveling to and fro from India and America and in the beginning it was all hunky dory and then finally we would end up fighting...shouting at each other and I didn't think it was a good idea to expose my five-and a half year kid to all this... Kids tend to get hurt the most... You bet...after my kid got to know about this, he was very uncomfortable. He said quite a few shocking things, I realized then how much my kid had learnt from life. He told me, 'marriages are forever, isn't it? That is why the marriage ring doesn't end,' he said. He is very intense for a guy his age...This is another reason why I don't want him to suffer...don't want him to see us shout at one another. I want him to grow up thinking well of the institution of marriage. You had almost given up on your career...these last two years we saw so little of you on screen... I wanted to give my marriage a chance. I had tried for the last six years and since the last two years I had disappeared from the scene. Most people thought that I had shifted to the US and every time people saw me, they kept asking "Oh you are here weren't you in America?" But I was very much here and perhaps it is God's gift to me that I can smile through all my troubles, and manage to look the prettiest when I am suffering (laughs) Is it difficult to sustain a relationship when you are a celebrity and the pressures that come along with it... No, at least for me that was not the case. My husband was very supportive of my work, he was proud that I was an actress. We were just from different backgrounds. Both of us wanted different things from marriage and frankly it was destined to be like this. He is used to living alone and I am not used to living out of India. There it is a different culture all together. You know it is difficult to adjust. But Vinay is a very nice guy, we will always be friends and I know he is not a cheat and he is very honest...but it just didn't work out for us. You do a lot of social work, does that help... Trust me it does help. It helps in the healing process. I have decided that I am going to give 15 days of the month to my social work and the rest to my career. I am working with AIDS patients and they themselves are great motivators. I have been involved with Children in Pain (CHIP) and other NGOs and they are all helping me to heal. I guess my work helps reduce my pain! So what kind of roles are pouring in? I want to do modern roles. I don't need loads of money, I am not even thinking of saving I just want to give my son a good education that's all! My son needs security. Since I didn't take a penny from my husband I need to work to run my kitchen. I am doing a movie called Hot Money with Rakesh Sawant. I think right now I need to strike a balance and all I need are good meaningful roles. You know, there is this image of me as sexy --- I don't understand from which angle I look sexy, but since this is working for me, I say why not! I am coming back in shape and hopefully am looking good! So is Kunika ready to fall in love again....start afresh? I am a die hard romantic. I truly believe in the power of love...I have believed in love for the last six years. I believed that my love for him will make things work for us, but I was wrong. Maybe someday I will find somebody who will help me forget all this and make me fall in love again!